First Baptist Church of Herndon

Take a deep breath

Linda Soller | Oct 10, 2016

Sometimes stories can help us apply fundamental principles to our own lives. And so the story goes… he was a long standing member of a team. He kept telling his supervisor he was ready to manage work and people. The supervisor thought he might be right and was putting the wheels in motion to help him get to his career goals.

Then something changed. One day he was agreeable in team discussions, and the next he was confrontational, conducting himself in an emotional and unprofessional manner. The team members found themselves confused by his actions and reluctant to work with him. He didn’t understand why people could not see his talent and value. The supervisor began second guessing his earlier decision to promote the man.

Next came the emails. Probably the biggest problem with texting and emailing is that it allows us to react too quickly. First there was the ranting email to the supervisor, stating clearly this was the employee’s normal behavior when he felt unhappy. The supervisor responded calmly, stating they needed to talk about the issues. Email two started with an apology from the employee for some of the statements in email one, followed by new accusations and not so flattering names for team members. The supervisor was stunned. It all seemed to happen so fast. Then the supervisor decided to do something inspired; he took a deep breath. He held his own emotions at bay to give the employee time to do the same.

I always say a person is not a success or a failure all alone. Most people successfully interact with others on a daily basis. When we have to face others, most of us hesitate to say or do something knowing it will be hurtful or stir up trouble. Unfortunately, when we email or text we can’t see the other person’s reaction. We know exactly what we mean to say, but it may not be what the other person hears. Once out there, it’s out there to stay.

It took months for the team to recover. Recover may be too generous a word, maybe survive is more accurate. The hurtful judgmental words were hard to forget, even harder for some to forgive. The team’s confidence in the employee’s abilities had been severely shaken. The process was long and hard, but eventually they were able to move forward.  When you find yourself feeling unhappy or stunned, just try to remember to take a deep breath.

Have a great week!    : o)  Linda