First Baptist Church of Herndon

Lessons from living, dying, grieving

Linda Soller | Jun 20, 2016

We have a support group at FBC for those who are grieving. Like any support group the stories of the individuals are theirs to share, not mine. But our meeting made me consider this topic. Here are three lessons I have learned.

Lesson 1 – Living

My maternal grandmother, Granny B, set the tone for what I feel is living well. She had a great sense of humor, opinions and an inquisitive mind. She treasured her independence. As she grew older her daily routine included, foods she loved, and walking up town for her mail, a few groceries, and some social interaction. She never met a stranger. She watched her soaps, worked her crossword puzzle, and napped. She continued to go to church regularly. She didn’t drive, but never lacked for transportation, people of all ages liked being around her. Thus she continued until the day she died at 96, still living on her own. I learned to appreciate each day I am given, the people I meet, and to take care of myself.

Lesson 2 – Dying

My father never missed a chance to instruct. His peace with his rapidly approaching passing had a powerful impact on people around him. Peace with death is not the same as wanting to die, nor is it a reflection of a lack of fear. He did fear the unknown of how his illness would progress, but fear did not consume him.  Peace came from his feeling of a life well lived. He had raised a family he loved dearly. He had been married for fifty-nine years to the woman he adored. He found his faith again. He accepted death, and was determined to face it as well as he could. I learned to be aware of those I am leaving behind, and make the process easier for them. I should think of it as a beginning, the next step, and something to be done as well as I can.

Lesson 3 – Grieving

Grief is unique to each of us, and lasts for as long as it lasts. My mother-in-law hated growing old because her circle of friends kept growing smaller.  A friend of hers in the Golden Rackets league passed away. She said it was hard, at first, to play tennis without them. When she remembered how much they had loved the game, it became easier to play. She was drawn to those in need, a loyal friend, and a positive force in her community. She turned grief into action. She found strength in her faith. I learned, grief comes and goes at its own pace. One minute you feel fine, the next something triggers a pang of loss. Your heart can actually ache. You take a deep breath, you look at a world that needs you, and you pray for strength.  You keep going.

All three of my loved ones impacted the world around them in a positive way. They were “givers” in a world where “takers” often make the news. From them I learned much about living, dying, and grieving.

Make this week memorable!    :o)  Linda

Note: The draft of this blog was written on June 7^th because I was going out of town, and felt I should jot down my thoughts. On June 12^th a terrorist/lunatic/extremist (take your pick) killed 49 helpless people,and injured many others. Together we must live, together they died, and together we now grieve. Our prayers are with their families and friends.